Why Don't Women Like Shy Guys?
Be friendly to everyone
Whether you're shy when it comes to women or timid with just about every stranger, take baby steps by being sociable with everyone. Talk about the weather with a salesperson, and ask your co-worker who never smiles how his day is going. Once you get used to taking initiative with the random people you come in contact with, the easier it will be to make conversation with the cute redhead at the coffee shop, and approaching people will become second nature.
Practice makes perfect
If you're shy when it comes to meeting new people and you know you'll be meeting your girlfriend's friends or family on a given weekend, go over some conversation topics that you can discuss and get yourself psyched for small talk. You don't need to make yourself crazy by reciting your spiel in front of a mirror -- that might only serve to make you more nervous -- but if you enter a social occasion knowing you're mentally revved and have some backup conversation tidbits to share, you'll feel more inclined to make an effort with strangers and eventually become the life of the party.
Take women off their pedestal
Maybe you'd be able to avoid looking like a bumbling, blushing fool every time you said or did something if you didn't consider her a goddess. She's not there to judge your "date" performance, and if you give yourself a reality check that women are on the same level as you, then she'll surely get the chance to see the real you and all you have to offer. Act with her as you would with your friends (minus the things you wouldn't do in public) and have fun.
At the risk of sounding hypocritical, it is important to be yourself with women. So if you are a shy person by nature, try to get over that aspect of your life so that the ladies can see you for who you are. Rid yourself of the fear of taking risks, and take gradual steps to take more initiative in every area of your life. If it's only women that make you weak in the knees, practice the aforementioned tips and remember that your biggest critic is yourself. Once you know your worth, you'll be able to show how great you are to women, and make them tremble when they're out with you.
the first date
You and your date are sitting at a café after having seen a movie. This is always a tricky one because your small talk should lead to interesting conversation and make a great first impression (assuming you like your date).
Ask a lot of questions
Asking your date many questions is always a safe thing to do, since not only does it help you get to know her and provides the basis of good conversation, but asking questions is also a turn-on for women.
Questions show that you have a genuine interest in your date, as long as you show her that you also listen to her responses (she may quiz you later, believe me).
Ask her questions that are:
Work-related: what she does; how she likes it; how long she's been working there, etc.
Family-related: what her family's like; what they do; whether they're close, etc.
Hobby-related: what she likes to do in her spare time; what she does on weekends, etc.
Pop culture-related: what kind of music she likes; what her favorite movie is; whether she liked the movie you just saw, etc.
First-date conversation topics can be a whole article unto itself, but in a nutshell, keep the conversation light, interesting and avoid anything philosophical, sexual and personal.
the acquaintance
You're at your best friend's engagement party, and a man who looks familiar approaches you and starts talking to you. You just want to scope out the single women and make your way to the bar for more vodka shots, but this guy is awkwardly standing next to you.
Talk about who you know and what you have in common
If you have common ground with a stranger, use it to your advantage. Don't take the opportunity to gossip and bad mouth your mutual friends, rather use it in order to fill up space and maybe make a friend while you're at it.
If you're at an engagement party, for example, say how happy you are for the couple, and ask questions about the person's relationship with the bride or groom, like how long they've known each other.
And if you know he's a member of the same golf club, talk about your drive, slice and what happened at the club the other day.
How to handle your manager and a woman you've just picked up...
the manager/colleague
You're at your company's corporate Christmas party, and you're sitting at the same table with your department -- which translates into your colleagues and managers.
How do you make small talk with your manager, who only talks at you while barking orders?
Stay informed with news and pop culture
Even though you want to make it look like you take your job seriously, it's a good idea to show your manager that you still have time to watch the news, read the paper and see movies. In other words, that you make time to stay informed and that you're a well-rounded man. Your life should not only consist of the codes, laws and rules that you encounter at work.
Make small talk by mentioning whatever's in the news lately. "Did you hear about what happened in England?" Or ask your manager whether he's seen the latest James Bond flick.
When talking about current affairs, try to avoid political topics; so if you know your boss is a devout Republican, don't tell a George W. Bush joke, no matter how funny you think it is. You can ask your manager what he feels about a certain event to gauge what his political views are, but you might want to save that conversation for an occasion when you're not sipping martinis all night long.
the pickup
You've made your way across the bar and approached the stunning redhead. Besides the fact that you're a sucker for redheads and their fiery personality, you have no idea what to talk to her about.
You want to be yourself, while making a good first impression and showing her that you're a good guy.
Talk about casual topics
You can't go wrong by being casual. Talk about how loud the music is. Make a remark about how great the Cosmopolitans are and that she should try them. Make a general comment about the situation you're in; don't worry, you won't be able to have a whole conversation over the vibrating bass anyhow.
Just don't say anything cliché or anything she expects to hear, like asking her if you know her from somewhere, or if she "comes here often." Throw her off guard by being more situation-based, like asking her where she bought her purse because it's original. And take it from there.
mixing it up with small talk
Each of these small talk methods can be used for each situation; the one highlighted for each section may just be the most recommended. So don't be afraid to ask your manager how his golf game's going; ask your first date whether she read John Grisham's latest novel; tell an acquaintance how great your new car is; and ask the woman you're picking up whether she's ever been to Europe.
And if all else fails, just talk about the weather, which always gets people riled up (unless you live in Florida).
As long as you avoid anything personal, philosophical, political, and controversial -- at least during a first encounter -- and know which questions to ask, you'll be talking the talk and walking the walk... of a certified schmoozer
It's time to become the alpha male...
the dominant male
You probably think you're being considerate of your woman's feelings by agreeing to everything she says. And it might even be acceptable to her in the beginning of the relationship. But as time wears on, she'll begin to lose interest in you.
No matter how many times you hear feminists say that women are independent and are just as strong as men, women still like to be around spontaneous men who know how to take charge of a given situation. Women feel a sense of excitement around such strong-minded men.
Here are four ways for you to take charge from time to time:
1- Make plans: Women love to make dinner plans with the special men in their lives. Naturally, they expect their men to do the same and plan a spontaneous date (without being asked): it makes them feel special, appreciated and romanced.
2- Be decisive: If you constantly find yourself unsure when it comes to decision-making, your woman will begin to think that you're not too interested in the relationship, or worse, that you're not motivated in her presence.
3- Be a challenge: If your woman makes a request that goes against your morals, ideals or personal taste, stand your ground and let her know it.
4- Express your feelings: Every individual has their own opinion. Do not be afraid to express yours -- even if it doesn't coincide with what your lady has to say. A woman will appreciate a man who stands his ground by expressing his discontentment more so than one who cowardly agrees with everything she says out of fear of being judged.
the right answers
So now that you've become a little more assertive, how would you handle the dialogue introduced to you at the beginning of this courage-building journey?
Scene 1
She says: So what do you want to do tonight?
Your reply: (Women's level of interest increases with men who like to take charge -- always have a backup plan) Let's go to dinner. I know this great little trendy Japanese restaurant that makes the best sushi. Maybe afterwards we can go for a cocktail at that lounge you love to hang out at.
She says: Great, I'm so excited.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene 2
She says: What do you want to eat tonight?
Your reply: (With lots of enthusiasm, let her know that you love her cooking) Oh, I'd love to have that grilled salmon with extra garlic that you make so well.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene 3
She says: I really like this new album by R.E.M..
Your reply: (Whether you like it or hate, be honest and let her know what you really think). I'm not too crazy about their new album. Personally, I think it sucks.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene 4
You say: Honey, I'm going to watch the game over at Tim's place.
She says: What for?
Your reply: Because I enjoy watching the game with my buddies. See you later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene 5
You say: I really love mountain climbing.
She says: You've got to be kidding. That's a pointless activity. You should try knitting sometime. Now that's a useful hobby. In fact, I don't want you to practice it anymore. It's too dangerous.
Your reply: Well, you don't know what you've been missing. But I promise to be extra careful.
